life is a compromise anyway

they are with you at the big events, like a wedding. or a party to celebrate your promotion, where you. also announce the other good news about how. you are pregnant again. they were there as well. at the hospital where you lay after the accident. offering flowers and an eternal platitudes.

they are absent at the smaller deaths, such as. those you experience along the corridor. on the way to the restroom from your office, or. on the way to the cafe downstairs for lunch, when another light goes out inside your head

after you convince yourself this is what you have. always wanted: a generous income, a predictable. joba dn marriage. they agree when you tell them. how your hisband is really unreasonable for suggesting. you have lost your intensity, your sense of wonder. they also agree that you are passionate

about your work, and that work is meaningful. for its purposefulnesss, its sense of duty, its repetitions, which remind you of water-drops in that japanese. mode of torture devised to drive a prisoner insane. they are there at your time of need; of course,

only if that need involves joining you at the bar, a free drink now and then. they are there to loan you a copmliment or two, or a note of engouragement. during your rare moments of mild disappointment. and despair, which you are then obliged to return. in the nearest possible future, with or without. interest, depending on your mood for generosity.

they serve to remind you of what you first learnt. at the beginning of your marriage, whcih is. that any sprt of companion, no matter how distant. ot exceptionally intimate, is a compromise - a friend, who may only ever know you as little. as you believe you know yourself.